A New Year

The passage of time, and passing of a friend, provided a great lesson in 2008

In one of our earliest conversations, William, an actor friend had said, “I thought I’d have my own sitcom by now.”

He had been like so many of us, those with a regular 9-to-5 to support their artistic ambitions. I could count many: The poet who sold insurance. The graphic artist who worked in an art supply store. The dancer who did publications. The painter who worked in a restaurant. And William who served as an office manager at a non-profit.

Time seemed infintite, and stretched on and on, as if we were all looking at the vastness of the sea or lost, wandering in the Sahara. It seemed like there would always be time to do those things, to make the money and complete the projects we were always dreaming about completing that never made it beyond A GREAT IDEA (My retelling of Theodore Dreiser’s Sister Carrie, titled "Carrie!," is on permanent hiatus). Seemed that there was so much time we didn’t even wear watches. Seemed that we could stay out all night Saturday, and sleep through Sunday recovering because it was just another throwaway day.

I can remember, and yes, it does seem like yesterday: William and I had walked through Harlem, perched atop a rock in Central Park, riffed on Homeland Security posters on the DC Metro.

I remember his voice, but that too is now only a memory.

As gay men, we had been vigilant against HIV/AIDS. But William, and those that loved him, were about to find out that there were 500,000 other things that can go wrong with a body.

So William had gone from plotting a return to the stage in the play Luv, to going through stages of chemotherapy.

As I imagine, the struggle for William had come down to yesterday. I want to feel like I did yesterday. I felt good yesterday. I want to feel that way again.

But what had started as a spark quickly became a conflagration; William had been engulfed.

It was esophageal cancer, it was brief, it left us all going through stages of grief.

*****

Cliches about how quickly time goes by are plentiful and don't need to be repeated. I'm just reminded of those sayings because a new year will be here in about 72 hours. Then it seems that year will be over in a minute.

I just to make sure it is a "new" year. I tried new things; some things worked, some things didn't, but I'm all the wiser for it.

There were also lessons learned. I can't take time for granted because it's finite. There is a beginning and an end.

And I'm greatful for William--"I thought I'd have a sitcom by now"--who taught me to get busy and go for it. I'm not taking anything for granted.

Photo: William in Central Park, July 2007

Home for the Holidays

Watching Darlene Love's annual performance of "Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)" on the "Late Show with David Letterman" has become a holiday staple, just like helping out Mom in the kitchen and joining other shoppers in a mad dash for gifts on Christmas Eve.

Nevertheless, watching Love is almost as enjoyable as helping Mom. She orginally recorded "Christmas" in 1963, and has been performing it without-fail on Letterman's show since 1986.

Now I'm not much on Christmas music ("The Twelve Days of Christmas?" Gimme a break!), but this song has a universal lyric. It is one of my favorites, in part because it bears all the hallmarks of Phil Spector's "Wall of Sound" productions--strings, horns, booming background. And Love still sounds great singing it:

Having a Plessy Moment

While Californians grapple with a man-made problem, two Maryland shoppers prompt a re-imagining of the American Dream.


They walked in smiling, leisurely looked around the store, then left.

Even after they departed, I advanced to the store’s window, still staring, then straining as their figures slowly diminished.

The entire episode lasted less than five minutes. I watched, floored not so much at the fact that they were walking hand-in-hand, but that they caused me to rethink that two people could actually be happy with one another.

But for those two young men—one white, one black, both of college age and apparently oblivious to the world around them—it was a simple act that seemed triumphant without being cocky.

No doubt about it: For those of us still dreaming about the American Dream, those guys harbinger that the world is changing. A place where love trumps anger. Faith over fear. Light over darkness. All that good stuff.

But the world also shifts in other ways. If those two were planning another walk someday—down the aisle—they’d have one less state to consider.

Last month, voters in California had passed Proposition 8, which stuck down the state supreme court’s earlier ruling to allow same-sex marriage. (In the same election, Californians had voted in Prop 2 to allow for greater housing conditions for calves, hens and pigs. So, if you keeping score, that’s Livestock-1, Humans-0)

Talk about having a Plessy moment. Talk about separate-but-still-not-quite equal in the 21st century. Talk about casting ballots on whether people have the right to marry. Talk about love is nothing. Talk about a lack of plausibility. So, for the 19,000 couples that had been legally married—well, yes had turned into depending on the will of the voters or the outcome of a court case (which might not be decided until 20??), we may or may not be married. The state is making a mockery of our lives. But we scored some nice wedding gifts, so it’s not that bad!!

With the same-sex marriage issue working its way back through the California court, the fallout had been swift, with protests and finger pointing aplenty. Much of that criticism had gone in the direction of black voters, 70% of whom had voted to overturn the court’s initial ruling to allow same-sex marriage.

The way many had voted should not have been unexpected. Seems that blacks had bristled for years as gay movement leaders had likened their cause to the civil rights movement. And no matter how often it was described as “marriage equality,” you‘re still talking about men marrying men.

Nonetheless, as an advocate for same-sex marriage, what happened had been totally disappointing.

While it is unfair to lay the passage of Propositon 8 at the doorstep of one group of voters, it also seems that black folks would understand that when the majority votes on the rites of the minority, the minority always loses. But using religion as a scapegoat, that had been conveniently forgotten.

Well, if those folks were interested in a theocracy, I command thee to promptly take leave for Saudi Arabia. Or Iran, Egypt, or any other place where strict adherence to doctrine is woven into society. In these places, gays are subjected to harassments, intimidations and public executions.

I can’t decide what’s worse: being stoned to death in public, or being stabbed in the back in a private voting booth.

For what it’s worth, I’ll stick with America, where all are supposedly equal under the law. This issue will surely work its way through the courts in many other states (currently under way in Iowa) and I predict one day will make its way to the Supreme Court.

In the meantime… well, as long as there is a heart full of love, the rest will have to take care of itself.

So for the kids I saw, thank goodness for free will and hearts desire. With all that hope. With all that optimism, with those smiles. Keep on walking, keep on inspiring, keep on showing that the dream, however defined, can be realized.

BEST OF 2008

Romances that boomed, then went bust. Sleepless nights, crazy fights, and a whole lot of music. A retrospective of 2008.

Best Beyonce-inspired description of my political leaning: To the left, to the left

Best song that killed my street cred: "Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow" by Paula Abdul

Best reconciliation: J. Velsin. I realized I needed to apologize and took it as a sign of growth.

Best reason not to tangle with the law in Detroit: Wayne County Prosecutor Kym Worthy. Just ask former Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick--now a convicted felon--once he gets out of jail.

Of Note: The late, not-so great Sen. Jesse Helms (R-NC)

Best headline that I shouldn't've laughed at (but did anyway): "Jesse Helms Finally Dies," Village Voice, July 4

Best free therepy: Second Sunday, in Atlanta. A roomful of gay black men. The topic: Sex, Shame and Addiction. Discuss.

Best debut children's book: Will and the Soaring Seed by Devin Boone

Best longest wait, worst payoff. I finally saw Rent, but fell asleep during the first act after staying out all night the day before

Best musical: Passing Strange. If one-fourth as many people knew about this as they did The Color Purple, it might still be on Broadway.

The show, about an artist in search of "the real," sported a talented cast, won rave reviews and featured witty songs like "We Just Had Sex." But the showstopper was undeniably "Keys." For the uninitiated, "Welcome to Amsterdam!"



Best thing to keep working on: stop being stupid

Best performance by an actress in a motion picture: Penelope Cruz in Vicki Christina Barcelona

Best proof I'm getting old: My niece turned 10; so did my favorite album from my college days, The Miseducation of Lauryn Hll

Best misleading song title: "Like I Never Left," Whitney Houston

Best surprise visit: Pedro, a friend from New York who went from being someone I hadn't seen in more than a year to being on my door step in a span of about six hours.

Best planned visit: Ma

Best case for a British Re-invasion: Amy Winehouse, Adele, Duffy, Estelle

Best Sarah Palin criticisms (tie): “If BS were currency, Palin could bail out Wall Street herself”—Kathleen Parker, Washington Post, 9-28-08

“It’s like some horrible Disney movie, “the Hockey Mom!”—Matt Damon, You Tube clip

“You know who’s not invited to my show? SARAH F------ PALIN!!”—Madonna, Madison Square Garden, 10-6-08


Of Note: ADELE ADKINS

Best new artist: Adele, because I can think of at least 19 deserving reasons.

Best foreign-named leader: Mikheil Sakashvilli (Georgia), Morgan Tsvangirai (Zimbabwe)

Best concert: Jill Scott, March 13, DAR Constitution Hall

Best song from an unlikely source: "We Break the Dawn," by Michelle Williams (formerly of Destiny’s Child) from her album Unexpected

Best unexpected cover: Aretha Franklin's version of Mariah Carey's "Touch My Body." The phrase throw me on the bed will never be the same.

Best thing I did in '08: paid off my credit card

Best funny lines (the friends and family edition):

**"Don't do it:" Heike warning me not to get involved with a 20-year old
**"There’s a Mariah [Carey] song for every occasion:" Thad, on the power of MC
**"Hey, mama!:" my nephew Johnathan, 3, assailing a random lady in a restaurant
**"Why is it that every one i meet is either bisexual or from out of town?" Robert, after meeting me in New York

Best lie: "I love to dance."

Best song I listened to too much: "Love, Need and Want You" by Patti Labelle

Best phrase I never used: I don't love, need or want you

Best hobby that came back from the dead: reading

Best could-you-run-that-by-me-again look: my brother, after I told him New York was my “spiritual home”

Best lyrics: "It’s too big, it’s too wide, it’s too strong, it won’t fit," from the song “Ego” by Beyonce Knowles

“Lay it down; let it go; fall in love,” from the song “Lay it down” by Al Green

Photos: Helms via Tannhauser; Adele cover photo from 19

REVIEW: 808s and Heartbreatk--An Altered Ego

With scratchy production and introspective style, Kanye West gets down to the heart of the matter on the first lines of the song "Street Lights:"

Let me know if I still got time to grow/things aint always set in stone.

This song, and the others that comprise his newest release, 808s and Heartbreak, recognize that love is not static and that we should never stop learning about the ones we love. These are songs that are actually sung.

West, well known for his brash claims, reveals an altered ego. Gone are the hallmarks of earlier recordings. The exuberance of "Touch the Sky" is nowhere in sight. And "The Good life?" Forget about it.

Full of yearning, and even a little desperation, these are songs about when life goes wrong. These are songs dedicated to one purpose--a catharsis related to the death of his mother and breakup with his fiance. Much in the vein of Marvin Gaye's 1978 album Here, My Dear, which chronicled the breakup of his marriage (all royalties from the album went to his ex-wife; the album boasted titles like "When Did You Stop Loving Me, When Did I Stop Loving You").

Startling and wholly original, this is another amazing album from an artist who continaully pushes the boundaray of what being a "genre artist" is supposed to be about.

West breaks new ground on songs like "Love Lockdown." With an opening that sounds like an elephant's thudding heartbeat, it's an ominous song about a relationship gone awry. It ultimately descents into chaos and would have snugly fit onto the soundtrack of any Stanley Kubrick film.

The album's opener, "Say You Will," goes further with the theme. While Gaye's album boasted "Anger," West goes one better with the lyric: "When I grab your neck/I touch your soul." Mistrust. Anger. Obssession. Hear it for yourself:

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

In response to something I'd written about Election 2008, a friend had said, "Didn't know u wrote like that."

The truth is that I really didn't know I wrote like that either. I had obtained a degree in journalism and a degree in history. The things I had written had reflected that training.
But I wanted to fuse all that together into something that mixed facts with lite humor; something that channeled what I really felt; something that pokes fun at the absurdities of life.

Writing the conventional news story had become something I was increasingly ill-suited for--always looking for that man-bites-dog story.

I'd rather come up with the man-bites-society/society-realizes-it's-wrong/society-changes story.

But for some stupid reason I had waited. I originally had the idea for this blog last year, but kept putting it aside. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

But our ideas are important. And I came to realize: If there's a savior for me, it will come through my words.